Being a shitty friend

  I'm one of the most caring, loving, awesome people ever. To myself. When it come to my friends.....Not so much. Sure, I'll DD every night, I'll pick them up when they don't have a ride, I'll pay for them for the club, drinks, dinner, movie, etc.....But do I really care about their feelings? Not always. not to the point where I would call myself a "best" friend to anyone.
  Now wait, before any of you who consider me a close friend think I'm saying I don't love you as a friend, that's false. I love you, you, annnnnnnnd you, way over there in the corner. I'll do anything for any of you. Anyone who knows me knows that's how I am. But I'm selfish. I'm inconsiderate. I'm bitchy. I'm depressing to be around. Hell, I tried to kill myself three months ago.
  Yep, I really did. After Bo, I thought my life was OVER. Finished. Done. Curtains are closing. I chose to lock myself in my empty apartment surrounded by memories of a lost lover and think of ways to do it. Then the calls started coming. First, my mom. Well, that was to be expected. But then Desi. And Larissa. Hmm, didn't see that last one. Or that first one for that matter.
  Now before anyone runs to Desi or Larissa to tell them I don't think they care, shut the fuck up. I know they both care. They love me. God knows why. I'm a psycho half the time. But those two girls love me like a sister.   Desi first- Oh Desiree, you have been there since I moved to Oklahoma almost 10 years ago....Wow. A decade of friendship. Two peas in a pod. We grew apart for a while, but we always came right back like a boomerang. I love you so much, you are literally like family to me. I have been waiting for the day we could finally be best friends and MEAN it again.
LariJo- Every time I cried about Bo, everytime I acted like a damn fool, everytime I fell down, you were there to pick me up.....Then you were gone. What happened to us? It's like you're a stranger now. Sure, we hang out on the weekends. But during the week, our friendship is nonexistent. I know you have a new group of people around, but I miss you. I miss picking your drunk ass up because you couldn't drive. I miss spending seven hours dyeing my hair. I miss making fun of you. I miss our Homance. I will ALWAYS be here for you. But come back to me my friend, I miss you. Alot.

Both of these ladies have done alot for me. I have taken advantage of them both before, but from now on with them, with EVERYONE, I will be a better friend. That is my promise to you, whoever you are that is reading this. I love you. I want to take care of you. I want to be there, for YOU.